Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Beach
Whoosh...whoosh. The towering waves, of blue, salty water, crash agianst the beige boulders-- the only thing keeping me away from the water. As I'm wishing, hoping, and wanting to walk along the flour white sand, leaving my mark, my footprint, proof that I had been there, I see a flock of seagulls. The free flying birds can feel the fresh mist of the crashing waves, but I, behind the barrier of boulders, cannot.
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Great Job Allison....:P I thought you did an awesome jobe of creating a picture. I wish I was at that beach right now. Your descriptive words are used really well. Adding more about how you feel could add more to it. I would try that next time. :]
ReplyDeleteAllie, I thought that you did a great job on this journal. With all of the descripition you put into it, it really made me feel as I was on the beach. Honestly I don't think that you could make that entry any better. I thought that it was great just as it is! ~Sammmmm
ReplyDeleteThis is really descriptive! It made me feel as though I was acutually there which is exactly the point of stream of conciousness. You took a concrete image and put it into words nearly perfectly. I think next time you could make it a little longer because I'd love to hear more. Great job! :D
ReplyDeleteI love this poem! It has a feeling to it that makes you immediatley want summer vacation! I think that you should try making a poem out of it. That would be really cool. :)
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